Many of the stories on this page are fiction.
Please keep that in mind when reading them.
Hot Wheels in History
4/2/2000
Columbus proves the world is round.
.
Columbus wanted very badly to go sailing. But he
was down on his luck having missed out on the latest IPO and since he bought
Microsoft at 120 his capital funding was way down for the quarter. Not
being able to find a backer at home in Italy for his holiday he sought
help from foreign investors. Namely King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella
of Spain.
.
Presenting his prospectus for the journey Columbus boldly
proclaimed.
"The world, she isa round"
To which Queen Isabella replied. "Around What?"
.
Columbus pressed on. Pointing out that when standing
at the beach watching the surfers, he had noticed ships coming into nearby
ports from the horizon. He had observed that the first thing he saw
as the ships approached were the Crow's Nests atop the main masts. If the
world was flat he had pondered, shouldn't he first see the bow of the boat
since it is the largest part of the ship and the closet part to him as
it approached? The King was unconvinced. Grabbing his favorite Hot
Wheel, a really nifty Golf Kart, he had the King put his eye at table level
and
began to slowly roll the cart towards him. The King commented
that he could see the entire cart as it approached. Columbus then grabbed
a basketball from the corner of the throne room and had the King sight
along the top as Columbus slowly rolled the Golf Kart around the far side
of the ball. The King indeed noticed that the first part of the Golf
Kart he saw in this instance was the very top. The King was still unconvinced.
The Queen however controlled the money and so she gave Columbus the loan.
.
"Where will you go" she asked.
.
"Well, I thought I'd see how long it takes to get to
the East Indies by sailing West" Columbus replied.
.
"Oh Good!" said the Queen. "If you get anywhere near
Malaysia see if you can tour the Hot Wheels factory and bring me back a
Prototype"
.
Of course as we all know, Columbus failed miserably on
his mission, failing to even achieve one goal. Instead he ran into America
and tried to claim it as his discovery. A claim which was later thrown
out by the world court, an earlier claim by the Norwegians having been
accepted. Which is why Lutafisk is on the menu at many Seattle restaurants
today.
.
Next time: Galileo drops two Hot Wheels from the"
Leaning Tower of Pisa" striking Sir Isaac Newton on the head and prompting
the discovery of gravity and the invention of Hard Hats. Love, ROCK
.
(mostly true) (ok, just partly) (hey, SOME of it
is) (really)
